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Hommlet Ep.2: Finger Food


awk·ward
ˈôkwərd/
adjective
  1. 1.
    causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with.

    "It is really awkward when the undead cat that was in your party turns out to have been part of a plan, instituted by a dark power, to steal the body of the Great Druid to bring about the potential re-ending of the world."

    synonyms:difficulttricky

Introducing: 
As Burbank is removed from the throne room for questioning, (S)elfie proceeds to gaslight the guard into believing that Lankershem is in fact, a nice kitty who may have some small personality issues. 

The Empress performs the royal version of a facepalm.

While this is ongoing, the Bugbear monk, Grumm notes that the kitty was probably just hungry, as he is quite hungry as well. The Royal Chef looks horrified upon hearing this and directs Grumm to the door marked 'refuse', which she assures him is Elvish for 'buffet'.

This provokes accusations of racism, which summons forth the Royal Sensitivity Training Officer who quickly removes the chef for re-education/vicious whippings.

Grumm descends upon the real Elvish buffet as the kitchen staff cry in anticipation of the carnage soon to be unleashed upon their careful presentation and layout.

The Empress sighs and assures the party that her kingdom believes in the equality of all of the 'Lesser Races' , nodding towards the non-elves in the room.

With that teaching moment behind them, the Empress 'requests' that the remaining members of the party depart to stop this undead cat monster from delivering the remains of the Great Druid to whomever plans on using it in some presumably profane ritual to kill them all.

(Sidenote: Cat Lady with necromantic tendancies + undead kitty that transforms into an undead feline killing machine = probable antagonist.)

Axel and (S)elfie both agree, as does Grumm who emerges from the banquet hall clutching fist-fulls of 'chicken wings', that seem suspiciously 'gnome finger' shaped. The party departs the presence of the Empress, enduring only a mild amount of 'oh no she didn't' on the way out.

Moving westward, down the Great Eastern Road, headed back to Hommlet the party spies their abandoned cart, the bodies of the 'cultists' (i.e. Imperial Druidic Order) as well as what remains of their horse, which has either been brutally slain, or had a random wilderness encounter with a Chaotic Evil Chiropractor.

Grumm moves in to investigate the remains, noting that it appears to have been clawed at by quite a few humanoid creatures lacking actual claws, and bearing many wounds similar to what would expect from say the now rising, quite obviously undead bodies on the road around him.

Axel was looting...investigating the cart, so gets a bit of cover as the undead loose their bows at him, (S)elfie is not quite as lucky, but Grumm just grabs an arrow and throws it back into on of the archers with a sickening thud.

Axel leads one of the undead on a bit of run back to the rest of the group, while (S)elfie moves between two of them and unleashes a thunderous barrage, knocking them both back while Grum continues to channel the less creepy aspects of David Carradine.

As the final adversary slides off of the end of (S)elfie's rapier, it says in a loud, yet hollow and distant voice "They are here!"

Time to leave.

The Princess hops into the cart to rest while Grumm pulls the cart towards Hommlet (paying an Inspiration to disregard his fatigue doing so)

Hours later, smoke from a once again burning Hommlet is on the horizon. Peering down, they can see what appears to be a seven foot tall, bipedal version of Lankershim tearing through the villagers. (S)elfie doubts that it is sweet Lankershim, but as it turn in their direction with its jaws agape they notice the absence of its tongue and its sweet, but creepy undead cat features before it tears the throat out of another innocent.

Axel levels his bow, and plants a shaft in Lankershim's back. Howling with rage it charges towards the party, but not before Axel lands another shaft on target and (S)elfie viciously mocks it with her bardic magic (and bagpipes) causing it to stumble over itself in rage... The Bane spell also didn't help it.

By the time it closed with a calmly waiting Grumm, it could not land a blow while it continued to receive abuse , arrows and kung-fu from the party.

It did land a solid, but non undead-lycanthropic inducing bite on Grumm before succumbing to the inevitable.

Racing into town, the party finds the Hommlet Militia bravely standing watch over the 'good part' of Hommlet while the bad part continues to burn.

All is not lost, however as the Militia inform the Princess that both the Cat Lady and the Great Druid were seen heading west. True, he had a strange faraway look in his eyes, and kept repeating in a distant, echoey voice: "Help me, Help me" but the militia were just happy to see that he was both alive and leaving their jurisdiction.

Where were they headed? What dark plan had the Cat Lady set in motion? Is it true that Gnomes go great with buffalo sauce? Where the **** is Airaborne? 

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